In the absence of therapy, I have to analyze my reactions and figure out why making these cup cakes represented such a scary challenge for someone like myself who can easily cook for a party of 10, 15 or 20 and laugh at the same time versus delivering 7 cup cakes for a 7 year old birthday girl.
After much thought, for I was truly angry, upset and having a pity party, I decided to go ahead and make them! The end result was Ok. Not much inspiration to decorate as I was dead by the time I managed to bake them and hardly knew how does one process icing sugar. So, I did what I thought would be acceptable, delivered and felt exhausted when back home and thought: how can these little buggers affect me this much?
Could it be fear of failure? is this so deeply rooted in me at the age of 61? Am I this complicated?
Nah..... I doubt it. I think it was a bit of a temper tantrum: I have never liked baking... I thought of detest it, but... here is the thing, at the age of 16, (my inverted 61) I had a traumatic experience and guess where I ended up for recovery? you guessed it: at a course on baking the most delicious imaginable cakes and desserts.
I have my own beliefs on therapy today. I think doing some therapy is useful and "can" help, in some cases, but... nothing compares to one´s own analysis for I believe that, at the end of the day, we hold the golden key to our going forward, going backwards or, live in an stagnated way which, in a sense, is the less problematic one in the short term, but... stagnation does create roots and eventually, when the decision to move on is taken, those roots are going to be a tough job to dig out!
Thank you readers, for reading me. I need some encouraging for posting more often. (who doesn´t)?